Starting over

6 months ago I hit a brick wall. My body wasn't recovering my exhaustion was no longer manageable, and my moods were erratic. I've known for years something wasn't right. One ND said adrenal fatigue, one doctor laughed and said of course I was tired (ignoring all other symptoms) because I have 5 kids (who are all older and mostly self sufficient) and another doctor that said I should go see psych because I'm being emotional.

It was frustrating to know something was wrong but to not be taken seriously. I gave up and just tried to cope the best I could, but coping was no longer working.  I could no longer muster enough energy to go to the gym, eating well flew out the window, and forget even mundane normal tasks, just getting off the couch to pee was sometimes too much some days.

Then a few weeks ago I happened to be working my Jamberry booth at a vendor event when I met Ginger, trained in Chinese medicine and pulse diagnosis. Just for the novelty of it I let her check my pulse and she blew my mind. She ran down the list of almost every single symptom I've been suffering from, just by simply feeling my pulse. I made an appointment with her at the acupuncture clinic she works at for a full assessment. On my second visit the acupuncturist asked if a doctor had ever suggested fibromyalgia to me. I just kind of laughed and said no, they all assured me I was crazy and it's all in my head. She went over the symptoms and how she felt this was what was most definitely what was wrong. Now I could go through the horrible process of dealing with the military doctors to get an "official" diagnosis but I don't see the point as I won't take the pharma drugs that would be prescribed, the side effects simply aren't worth it, nor do I have any plans to file for disability.

I've now been on Chinese herbals for two weeks. As the fog of fatigue starts to clear, the symptoms I didn't notice before due to being overshadowed by the fatigue are starting to become clearly. Mostly the constant pain. I'm learning new coping techniques. It it's definitely a struggle. I still find many mundane activities to be a struggle but I at least have the energy to mostly push my way through and do things.

Yesterday I hit the gym. I was scared. My body ached so bad but I knew I needed to just walk through those doors and move my muscles. I started easy on the elliptical, which at first I thought might actually kill me. My quads were screaming but I shushed them by blaring some Backstreet Boys and pushing through. 15 minutes later I was feeling better and had a bit of endorphin kick, so I hit the weight room. My gosh it was magical! I seriously missed feeling that cold iron bar and squatting. I don't even care that I had to lower my weights, the fact I finished a workout was success enough for me!

And yes, today I am sore but I'm sore in the best way possible! I'm not sure what I will do today. Cleaning needs to happen but I'm feeling much more like curling up here on the couch with Supernatural and some knitting and maybe some hot tea. Maybe after my husband gets home we will do some yoga together just so I can stretch the muscles and be ready for weights again tomorrow :)